I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
