My first STD was from a foam party
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
