Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
