If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
