blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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