you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
