Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
