Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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