She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
