I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
