Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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