I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
