Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
