i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Let's get the cat blown out
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
