I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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