I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
MIDGETS
????
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
