I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
