I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
