I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
