I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
