I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
