its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
