So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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