I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
