Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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