So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
