for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
