Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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