I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
