Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
