they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
