so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
