Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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