i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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