yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
