im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
soo... how was my night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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