I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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