Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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