the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
