Just mADE A PArabola og urine
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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