I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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