can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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