Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
