we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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