how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
