Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
