I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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