Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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