Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
