i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize