her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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