i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
