Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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