my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
