you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
id be glad to
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
