his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
