she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
