i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
