You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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