I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
