I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
