I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
