Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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