I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
