I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize