I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize