ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
