Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
