Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
