So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
