i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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