Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
