You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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