So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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