need another drink. this is the easiest way
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
