I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
time to smoke my breakfast
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize