can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize