I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
