Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
