So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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