well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
