i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
